i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
did i just pee glitter
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
