my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
