So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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