why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
