Your mouth is God's brothel.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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