Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
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