she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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