I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
