my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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