My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
