The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize