The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
