Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
