i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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