Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
