I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
