A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
