my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
