brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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