hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
