Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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