At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
