see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
