I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
