There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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