She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
