I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
