I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
