Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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