WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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