the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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