look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
