Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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