Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
