my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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