Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
