i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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