32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
