O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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