Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
