at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
