her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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