Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
