My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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