I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
