Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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