I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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