dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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