i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
