We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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