farters have to be the big spoon...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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